The Goal

So far, I am 30 years old, and again I am going to choose the primary goal of my life. This is a very important question to me, unfortunately, not clear after all changes in my life that had happened recently.
Actually, this is the question I asked myself when I had decided to quit from WebCanape, Smolensk, Russia, and leave for Ingate in Tula. On May, my mother passed away, and I made a decision to come back and spend the summer with my dad, to help him, to help with the parents' house, and the small local business. It was very important to me.
Now I see that my dad is okay, and his life is getting better and better. Also, a new mistress of the house is going to appear. So, I have nothing to worry about with the issue of Przhevalskoye. Just finishing the juridical things with the heritage. And I guess, after that, there will be little in what I will be involved there.
On this occasion the more important question becomes 'where to go further'.
The issue of love, and family, and children is getting more, and more, and more important to me. Too much regrettable, that it is hardly achievable altogether in my case, in my country. This is the real dominant idea in my life since I came out. Almost all I did was always aimed for the goal. With regret, I didn't manage to become succesful in this point even in the case of de facto partnership. Last month I had a passionate romance with an Indian guy that has finished as unexpectedly quick, as it started. Same the previous romance that lasted for about half a year. Misfortune in private life all the time - not serious relationships, unfaithfulnesses, immature guys, not ready for real manly deeds and responsibility + evident troubles if we go further and think of adopting some miserable child from orphan home. This all dictates I would change the primary aim of my life, and would first fulfill my own life thoroughly.
What items it would be?

1. Career.
2. Health + physical education.
3. Development in music, singing and perfomance.

All these three are right what I am working with, now. But mostly, it is chaotic and insufficient.
I have a deadline. Before Feb 2017 I should finish my juridical stuff with heritage, teaching at the courses on Internet Marketing, and to get operated on my nostrils that should give a better quality of my voice. After that I will become absolutely free to go on with my career.
But now I got a job offer from WebCanape (where I had worked) with not bad conditions. And it forced me to ponder over the things earlier than the deadline. The question of career includes several items:

• Region: Smolensk, Moscow, abroad, my place.
• Type: own business, organisation.
• Subject: SEO/Analytics, Web-programming.
• Purpose: money, more free time, PR, prospects.
• Direction: to go on, to start something new.

So you see, I am at the door of a complicated choice.
I made a pro and contra list what to choose. But it didn't give me the answer yet. The number of items would not give the answer. The weigh of some of them may be greater.
I need to make a decision about the WebCanape offer before Monday. I don't want to make a mistake, so I would not feel sorry about it as time goes on. Already now I need to understand, where to go further.

The World of Lie

Beginning the blog I declared that it was possible to feel joy everyday. It was really so. Sure, everyone feels joy every day. But sometimes there's so little joy in the day... I started feeling that sometimes I lie posting in the blog. Why? I didn't say any lie! But there were times when I wrote something not important when I wasn't happy at all.

Despite the fact I would continue writing about the joys if I didn't feel another thing. All the idea is a way to lie to myself. Things are not always so good. Writing about joy helps to forget about sad things, not good things, awful things. And then it doesn't cure but accumulates problems.

I'm not going to finish the blog, now. But I'm not going to write any sweet stuff here anymore.

Feb 9, 2010 - Learn When You Teach

Today, I realized how important to learn something when you teach. I had been trying to play a... not so difficult thing from The Phantom of the Opera and couldn't. And though music and foreign language don't seem to be alike I felt how difficult it is for my students to learn new words, and new grammar. Maybe you can understand your students only then when you are in fight for new skills yourself...

Jan 29-31, 2010 - A Good Ending of the Month :D

I didn't write anything two previous days. But these days were the happiest in the month, I believe!

On Jan 29 I even had no time to make a note! Work, some home duties, singing, playing the piano, volleyball training, some sweets and ryazhenka for supper, and just a few minutes to look through the mailing before sleep. I like the rhythm!

It was a funny story on the day. After I had worn my tracksuit in the utility room of my classroom before the training, I closed the door with the padlock. And just having done it I realized that the key was left in the utility room... My coat, and mobile phone were left there as well. Thank my father and my student Sveta who let me call him I opened the door without breaking the padlock or the door :) That situation was a good lesson to me: even if you are happy and enjoy everything in the world, you still need to think over what you are doing ;)

The training was also good and happy. Though first it was boring to play, but then all the sluggishness disappeared and turned... well... to craziness! Sometimes we just fumbled, but the other times we were shouting, and yelling, and trying not to lose the ball! There's one thing that I like in our team best. After we are divided into 2 teams, we become the teams. We play together, we are happy for our victories. But we are all cheerful if we (or some of us) have progress in playing, even if the victory is not ours.

Yesterday was a day of working on my dissertation. I didn't do much in it. But I keep on working, and that's not bad! Some months before have passed without good progress in the research.

Also, yesterday I found the notes of the musical The Phantom of the Opera. So, I'm going to play one of the parts on the next Tuesday. I'm happy!

What about today?

I'm having a rest, and listening to music. Soon, I'm going to read a book that a friend of mine presented me this Christmas. I want to finally finish it.

And now, in the end, I wish the February would bring us joy every day (read: we would like to have joy every day and do something for that)!

Jan 25, 2010 - Do Complain???

What mysterious things sometimes happen to me! After I have named the problem it becomes solved very fast.

I'd like to call it as a psychological phenomenon (see: not complaining but naming the problem). But today it was so funny to face such a case connected with rather material things. Yesterday, our water supply system froze. I mean, not in the town but only at us. Today, I said about it talking with teachers at work, and to Lidia from Poland. Very soon after that my father tried to disconnect a tap at the basement and couldn't do it. He decided to heat it, and having done this, he improved the whole water supply system!

Right! The ice stopper was right in the tap and nearby.

It's so good! Because otherwise, if the problem would be somewhere underground, we could do something only in a couple of months.